The Lingering Effect

 

 

It dawned on me this morning that I woke up with a new attitude on a few things today; one of them being the current state of “single” status in my life. Don’t get me wrong, I have some amazing friends that I enjoy spending time with, but I do go off on my own private pity parties too much lately about the fact that I am “alone”. It occurred to me that I am alone only out of choice, not obligation; because I have chosen not to just settle for whatever life offers, but instead to keep pushing on until I find that place/person that “fits” and feels right to me. Now granted I have admittedly stopped to pause on someone here and there throughout my life that I should have just waved to and kept traveling, but in each of them has been a valuable life lesson for me, so I allow no regrets to creep into my mind and heart. Everything has its purpose and place.

Today I woke up with a new sense of my Self, a new motivation inside to accomplish great things and better my life each and every moment and experience that I am given. I woke up today with the mindset that I have to be more grounded in what I want and need in life and from the people I allow in it; I have been lazy, I think, and I have strayed from my desired goals and path off and on because I have allowed myself to get sidetracked by emotional chaos with people who really didn’t deserve to take up my time in that way; I don’t blame them, I own it all, because I allowed them to utilize space in my world without really SEEING who they were or what they were about, or the lack of either. I’ve not always been good at discerning between forever people and season or reason people, but I am getting better everyday!

Life has this way of showing you things, and what you see or hear depends on your perception and awareness; in the dating game I have learned something valuable, you meet people and get a feel for them and you decipher as quickly as possible whether this person is someone that you want to spend time with, is this person someone that you SHOULD be spending time with, or is this person just some one to kill time with? There is a HUGE difference!  I’m not trying to kill time, and I sure as hell don’t want a man to be with me as a time killer either. I am fully ready and capable of committing and building something of substance with one man, but I keep tripping myself up on the men who really just aren’t where I am emotionally, spiritually or psychologically; the men who are like a kid in a candy store and can’t make up their mind on one candy, so they have to stand there and sample several kinds. The problem with that mentality is that eventually you will get cavities from too many sweets, and by the time they realize that the best candy was right in front of them the whole time, someone else has come along and chosen it and savored it appreciatively.

I know that I am a good woman; I know what I am able to offer in a relationship, and I will no longer feel guilty when I walk away from those who are unable to see it, or appreciate it when it is offered to them. To those, I say, Good luck on your journey, I hope you find what you want and need, just don’t come back around knocking on this door when you realize that you had it in me and let it slip through your fingers.

Yes, I’ve lingered for too long at times, but I have to believe that it was because the lesson I was suppose to take from that person, place or moment in time hadn’t come yet and I had to wait for it before I could move on; or maybe sometimes its just because I’m stubborn and can’t do things the simple way, but have to take the roller coaster ride first.

Either way…

(copyright 2012 by November Gold)